When Someone Says . . .
© 2013, P. Arthur Stuart
pastuart@pastuart.com
Updated: May 8, 2013

When Someone Says . . .; What they really mean.

I don’t like to complain but . . .
       You can bet that they'll complain about everything, anything, others, and all of the time.

I am going to be completely honest with you about . . .
       Watch out they are going to lie like crazy.

It’s not you, it’s me . . .
       It’s you.

I don’t want to be picky but . . .
       They are going to be extremely picky.

You can trust me . . .
       Yeah right, be very careful.

Believe me . . .
       Right? It's probably going to be a lie.

It’s not the money, it’s the principle of . . .
       It’s the money.

I hate to bother you but . . .
       Hey, stop what you’re doing, my needs are more important than yours.

I have a small job for you . . .
       Be prepared to spend several days on it.

Please fill out this simple form . . .
       It will likely be more difficult than the IRS 1040 long form with business and capital gains income attachments.

You can afford this easily . . .
       You’ll be on your way to bankruptcy.

Got a minute to discuss . . .
       More like an hour or two.

Don’t get offended but . . . or Don’t take this the wrong way but . . .
       You’re going to be deeply insulted; prepare yourself.

Spouse: I won’t get angry. I just want to know . . .
       Your life is in danger.

Please hold, they’ll be right with you . . .
       I hope you have a good book to read, several Sudokus or a 1500 piece jigsaw puzzle.

It’s simple to assemble, all you need is . . .
       You will need a graduate degree in various engineering fields and a thousand dollars' worth of tools.

Have I got the perfect person for you . . .
       Expect worse than the worst you could expect and someone that would make an octogenarian look like a model.

This will only take a little while . . .
       You're going to be there for a long while.

This isn’t going to hurt . . .
       They’re talking about themselves.

Don’t worry we have everything under control . . .
       Worry! It will all come crashing down and they don’t have a clue how to stop it.

The direction are so simple, it will be impossible for you to get lost . . .
       Make sure you have your survival kit with you and a GPS locator would be very appropriate.

Let me make a long story short . . .
       Get comfortable because you're going to be there for a long time.

You won't be sorry . . .
       You'll only get angry and want to kill someone.


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