For over a half century, I've written down or committed to memory (what little remains) my thoughts and views on life's experiences that challenged, interested, annoyed, frustrated or angered me. I found this to be very helpful in reducing stress and maintaining my sanity, although there are probably a few people that would argue that point. To provide you with some personal facet of what's important to me, I'm including my "Avatar." Some of the details that lead me to develop this are at the end of "Getting Feedback and How to Receive it;" it's the italics at the end.
Premise and Beliefs
I believe that I have choices, therefore, I am responsible for my outlook and behavior; that the environment, society, and I are interdependent; that physical and emotional health are interdependent; that negative behavior and emotions waste energy and causes sickness; that I must get along with myself to get along in the world. The way I live and behave is proof of my beliefs.
Values Which I Hold To Be Essential
I will live according to what I believe. I will maintain a balance and synergy with my mental, physical, social, and spiritual selves. I will focus on positive behavior and emotions. I will continue to grow mentally, maximize my physical condition and dedicate the necessary effort to achieving personal and professional goals, and endeavors. I will be concerned with important things and not make unimportant things important. I will select the most important things that I am capable of doing and focus on them. I will keep things in the correct prospective. I will acquiesce to things I disagree with that I can't change and change those I can. I will maintain a positive attitude and sense of humor. I will do the right things and do them right. When I make a mistake I will accept it as just that -- a mistake; a small setback. I will learn from it, avoid repeating it and get on with my life. I will avoid dwelling on the past; I will look to the future.
When interacting I will create an environment that is conducive to open interchange of ideas and feelings. I will use a Win/Win attitude and empathic communication. When discussing or debating controversial issues, I will remain calm, listen and not interrupt, respond softly, respond logically and control my emotions; particularly when faced with others that are upset or offensive. Except when required as part of a role (parent, supervisor, etc) I will always relate about others in a positive and amiable manner; when required to provide input of a negative nature, I will be factual and avoid judgment. I will be concerned and show respect for all species and the environment. To accomplish all that is possible, I must always tell myself, and face, the truth.
P. Arthur Stuart /Nov 92 /Rev 11 - June 2009
From November of 1992 until I retired, I carried this document in my pocket. I would read it a minimum of once a week, and whenever I got in to a conflict or had to make a tough decision. I would ask myself if I were meeting the standards I set. Occasional I failed. I made no excuses, accepted my failure and worked very hard at not repeating it. Sticking to it became easier and easier. The first few years, I wouldn't share this with anyone. No, not because I thought they would hold me to it, but rather I needed to do it for myself. Then I would know that I was successful at achieving my goals on my own. By doing it on my own and not at the prodding of others, I was truly mastering myself. Over the years I added more and made minor changes. It became a dynamic document that grew as I grew. I began sharing this with others after I felt comfortable with how I fit it. I haven't been called on it so far.
These pages are small compilation, of those things I've been exposed to, that I've been able to learn from and documented, mostly in the rough. So, if you revisit here from time-to-time, you'll see rough edges smoothed and you'll see these pages grow, both in size and number as I review my materials and/or when I get motivated or pissed-off by some new events. I was told that some of my writings were verbose, that's a crime -- being verbose, so I will us KISS to the best of my ability. KISS: Keep it simple system or keep it simple stupid. I believe that I'm an average person, therefore, since most of world is average, there is a strong probability that lots of you out there may share my views, or perhaps you are vehemently opposed to them. In either case I hope they'll give you something to think about.
I was once told, "It's easier to carry a load with your mind then with your back." I would now add to that saying, "if you can find or observe someone else that carried the load – examine what they did and learned, and let that be your guide." Bottom line, if you can learn from someone else's experience and their findings, you can save yourself a lot of time and eliminate a lot of pain, grief and frustration. I know there are some things that you must do and experience first hand, like sex or the taste of foods. The experiences of others can help in some ways to prepare us for those things that we need to experience first hand. Parenting is an excellent example, as is sports. However, there are many things that are worth avoiding, things that can be learned from the experience of others. Like getting arrested or a speeding ticket.
I think of these pages as "Sharing Life's Experiences." Experiences that may provide some insight into what to expect and provide tools for dealing with them. Other types of experiences that are best avoided or guidance on how best to proceed and what to anticipate. And some views/opinions that might give you something to think about, make you mad as hell or even put you to sleep. I've certainly made more than my share of mistakes and have seen much. Another way to put it is that I experienced life through trial and error, mostly error. For what it's worth I believe I have good observation and analytical skills. And with that comment, now is as good as any place to start my sharing.
Some people I've dealt with would have found it hard to believe that I had any skills, let alone the ability to observe and analyze. I discovered this purely by accident when I prepared a comprehensive report. My supervisor said, "I didn't think you could do such an in-depth analysis like this." I asked why he thought that. He told me that I was always quick to reach conclusions and make decisions.
I thought about this for sometime. He never said any of the decisions were wrong. I wondered, if my supervisor's evaluation might not have been so simple, if he had considered that nearly all those quick conclusions and decisions were related to things I've done for the greater part of my life – over thirty years. After you've done something over and over again, you learn what works and what doesn't. It doesn't take any real brilliance to learn, you don't have to stick your hand in fire a second time to know that you will get burned and it doesn't take long to reach that conclusion. It's only when something really new and different occurs that it needs to be studied, analyzed, solutions developed and a choice made -- it's not always easy.
My point, in this case, is that quick conclusions and decisions may not be related to one's observational or analytical skills. Ah, ha! I observed a behavioral trait. I thought about past interactions I've had and those I've observed between others and concluded that people (most of them) form a basis for action on very limited information; this should be very obvious to all. Part of a persons mental process is considering past similar experiences, making a whole bunch of assumptions and integrating them with their personal biases: sadly, it's all done subconsciously. Rarely will they give any real thought to their conclusion. Unfortunately, they often make decisions that affect our lives and careers based on their limited knowledge and data. People that really care about others discuss their perceptions with the person concerned.
From the interaction with my supervisor, I also observed that people will project their behavioral traits – usually the bad ones – on to others. It is obvious that my supervisor made a quick decision, the kind that he had accused me of, with limit analysis or even thought. I could provide a long list of other hasty decisions he made, but I don't think it's necessary.
For a common reference point, let's consider a familiar example of projecting one's traits on to another. I'm sure you've been told (particularly if you're male and married) "you don't listen," you've told someone (particularly if you're female and married) "you don't listen,"or you've heard someone tell another (probably a female speaking to a male) that "you don't listen." I would encourage you to look very carefully at the person making that statement, even if it's you, do they (you) listen and know how to listen. Determine if they (you) HEAR – I'm not talking about volume. Hearing is understanding what is said. A third point here is that in many, many cases, people will only hear what they want to hear. I can give you numerous examples but I'm sure you have your own. From my observations over time and the interactions with numerous people, I have found that those that accuse others of not listening are usually poor listener themselves and probably have poor communication skills.
While I have political and religious views and I don't get overly concerned about what other people's views on these topics are, there are just to many extremist in these areas to talk about anything specifically related to the religious or political belief. Also, it appears to me that very few of these people are open to the views of others, even when it is supported by scientific or documented facts. (Yes, I know scientific facts and documented events can be argued with but let's not go there.) In these areas there is no average, and the opinions are so varied, with much of it is based on strong-unyielding personal beliefs, that even if concrete evidence were available to these people it could not convince them of anything different; these people believe there is a worldwide conspiracy against them. I will however, present my views on those members -- religious or political -- that use their positions to abuse others or rip us off. I also will express my views on bigotry and hypocrisy. For example: there have been cases where a religious leader has molested children and even adults. It is not the fault of the religion. In these cases I will put forth my views about the people that use religious, politics and other positions of trust, when they (as it appears to me) abuse their position or fail to do what's right/competent. Oop's, it's funny, it occurs to me that using "politics" and "trust" in the same sentence is an oxymoron.
Please note at the bottom each page is a date. I will adjust this date as I make major changes.
If you want to give me feedback, click on the Feedback Icon at the end of each page. It will bring to a page, where you can send me your comments -- be they general or page specific. On my BCI pages, I've provided a means for feedback specifically related to this topic and/or to submit as story.
My beginning study of the End Behavior.
Posted BCI Stories with scoring.
|Am I Stupid or What?||2/8/10||
Ignoring the signs of a heart attack
Life's little lessons and some family humor
The title is self explanatory
|You Know Your Old, When||11/28/11||
Again, the title is self explanatory
And again, the title is self explanatory
Yet another title that is self explanatory
|The Currents Page||10/2/10||
Item that are new or I've just began to think about them. - Also see Old-Currents
|Dear God Letter||--||
An excerpt from My letter to God related to my marriage and women in general.
|A Pup with No Name||--||
How a pup taught me some valuable lessons.
|But I Fell In Love||--||
About the Chihuahua that changed my thinking.
|I Couldn't Cry||9/17/09||
About the loss of my precious Chihuahuas.
|Mickey: A Fun Night||--||
The expectant father wakes me up.
|Watching Sport: The Health Effects||--||
I believe that "Watching Sports is Good For Your Health."
|I Finally Got It||--||
What got me motivated to jog, lessons learned and what I get out of it.
|Finding the Job||10/12/10||
An excerpt from Surviving In-Spite of Oneself -- Some suggestion on finding a job and preparing for advancement.
|Getting the Job||--||
An excerpt from Surviving In-Spite of Oneself -- This is a guide to preparing applications and for interviews
An excerpt from Surviving In-Spite of Oneself -- Typical questions asked on interviews, with sample answers I've used.
|Feedback: Getting and Receiving||--||
An excerpt from Surviving In-Spite of Oneself -- Feedback is a valuable tool if you know how to get it and "Take it."
|Does It Make Sense||--||
An excerpt from Surviving In-Spite of Oneself -- It's important to make sure something is right when you gut tells you it doesn't make sense. So, If It Doesn't Make Sense -- Check It Out
Some pictures I've taken that some might find interesting.
When I say "Tree, I'm not talking about a plant, I'm talking about a number."
|When Someone Says...||5/8/13||
Watch out and don't be surprised.
Topics I moved from the currents page
Under Construction: About people that see themselves as the center of the universe. It's under construction. I need to add and arrange but you can get the general idea where I'm going.
News items or events that I find warm and cuddly. Short in duration.
Items of a somewhat serious nature, if anything I do can be taken serious. Short items of food for thought
Growing Up: The End of childhood fallacies. Meeting the real world. A work in progress.
|Wouldn't It Be Great If||11/30/11||
Thoughts about a better world, Another work in progress.
|Safety is Boring, Until...||12/12/12||
Under Construction: I keep hearing, reading and seeing people do stupid (unsafe) things so I write about it to ease my frustration.
|You Need To Watch Out For Me||5/8/13||
A more detailed view of the bicycle reference in "Safety is Boring, Until..." The emphasis is on Bicycle safety.
|Flag The Official Venting||--||
Under Construction: Sports official piss me off. This is all I can do to vent my frustration with their ineptness.
|Flag The Official -- Stories||--||
Under Construction: Specific blown calls and a score.
|Flag The Official -- To submit a story||--||
Under Construction: Thoughts about a better world
|Poppy and Achi's Place||--||
Under Construction: A blog written by two Chihuahua, Poppy and Achi